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okay, living with my mom is really the most draining thing ever. living with your parents is normal, especially at my age. but i really dont know much i can take at this point. this is probably going to be a lot, so sorry to anyone reading who doesnt know or doesnt care. but hey, i figured i can talk about anything here and i will because this is my journal now. wahh, im just so tired right now and this gives me a lot of stress which doesnt help my physical health. i feel all tired and kinda sick now. sorry, youre about to hear how shit my life is. i dont really like to tell people because its a lot and then people feel bad or its weird but i cant really lie and i may as well get it out when i want..
first of all, my mom is a major narcissist. winning an argument with her is impossible. she quite literally believes and openly says shes never wrong. she sees herself as "the nicest person ever" (once again, her own words like DAILY) and she only gets mad when other people "provoke her". in reality, she really has anger problems. she will get upset over very small things, and often times she likes to go out drinking so that doesnt help either. someone coming home drunk and yelling at you is never a fun experience. and this happens every week. it happened today, again.
she hates to be wrong. and then she gets mad easily if she is, or she'll just start an argument for no reason. find something to be upset about. even little things. then, her thing is to try and provoke me as much as possible. she really likes to try and make me upset. she'll yell, scream, call me names, or threaten me and if i at all react, i become the one whos evil all of a sudden. honestly, its really fucked up. the worst part is that she'll try to call people on the phone to tell them im the one who "randomly started attacking her". aint that shit crazy? if i try to defend myself, well then im just a liar. according to her, "im the worst person shes ever met"... apparently.
i cant really do much to change this or to please my mom, to be honest. i get in trouble a lot for "not doing much" everyday, but also if i try to, then im "not doing anything right" or somehow its not perfect or good enough. so... am i supposed to do it or not? plus, i cant go anywhere else or something. i guess i have some extended family but i literally never see them. and also, i couldnt stay with a friend because all of them are online for me. i dont know anybody in person. thats the hard part. im just kinda stuck here for like.. i dont know, the forseeable future.
not gonna lie, my life feels pretty hopeless a lot of the time. okay, this is actually weird and embarrassing to admit. i guess i never tell anyone my feelings much, but thats how i feel living here at least. i dont really have much going for me in the present or future. everything sucks... home sucks... getting a job would suck... finishing school would SUCK... i just wish i could live with somebody cool. id do like chores or something for any of my friends just so i could live there instead. i dont really give a shit. life in general SUCKS. i actually think im cursed. health problems, brain problems, shitty parents, also poor. so theres that.
first of all, my mom is a major narcissist. winning an argument with her is impossible. she quite literally believes and openly says shes never wrong. she sees herself as "the nicest person ever" (once again, her own words like DAILY) and she only gets mad when other people "provoke her". in reality, she really has anger problems. she will get upset over very small things, and often times she likes to go out drinking so that doesnt help either. someone coming home drunk and yelling at you is never a fun experience. and this happens every week. it happened today, again.
she hates to be wrong. and then she gets mad easily if she is, or she'll just start an argument for no reason. find something to be upset about. even little things. then, her thing is to try and provoke me as much as possible. she really likes to try and make me upset. she'll yell, scream, call me names, or threaten me and if i at all react, i become the one whos evil all of a sudden. honestly, its really fucked up. the worst part is that she'll try to call people on the phone to tell them im the one who "randomly started attacking her". aint that shit crazy? if i try to defend myself, well then im just a liar. according to her, "im the worst person shes ever met"... apparently.
i cant really do much to change this or to please my mom, to be honest. i get in trouble a lot for "not doing much" everyday, but also if i try to, then im "not doing anything right" or somehow its not perfect or good enough. so... am i supposed to do it or not? plus, i cant go anywhere else or something. i guess i have some extended family but i literally never see them. and also, i couldnt stay with a friend because all of them are online for me. i dont know anybody in person. thats the hard part. im just kinda stuck here for like.. i dont know, the forseeable future.
not gonna lie, my life feels pretty hopeless a lot of the time. okay, this is actually weird and embarrassing to admit. i guess i never tell anyone my feelings much, but thats how i feel living here at least. i dont really have much going for me in the present or future. everything sucks... home sucks... getting a job would suck... finishing school would SUCK... i just wish i could live with somebody cool. id do like chores or something for any of my friends just so i could live there instead. i dont really give a shit. life in general SUCKS. i actually think im cursed. health problems, brain problems, shitty parents, also poor. so theres that.
