FLATBEARZ

it finally came. all late last night and early this morning i was in extreme pain thanks to that! i took 3 naproxen pills and it finally went away for now. now im just super hungry and tired. my plans for today are to rest, and probably take a bath later. i think my mom is going to buy some stuff to bring home (she works at a grocery store so im lucky for that at least). but other than that, i may work on my website more. im making a page (almost a shrine) dedicated to jun togawa because i wanted to provide people with translations of her songs that i really like. maybe more people will listen to her because of me ;)

i was in a bit of a depressed slump this morning, listening to a lot of gloomy songs. dunno, just kinda feeling weird. until i decided to listen to a song off of one of the more modern alice in chains albums. it made me remember how much i love finding music and how its one of the better parts of life. its probably a new favorite of mine now, lyrics too. they helped after that sudden bad feeling.

i was able to convince my mom to go to the store, finally. i needed to do it in the morning, because my sleep schedule at the moment will not line up for me to do it in the afternoon on weekdays. i have a sleeping disorder (real serious dspd) which repeats in a never ending cycle of bad schedule, super bad schedule, slowly fix schedule, good schedule, slowly get bad again, repeat. so i had to take the opportunity. it was good! i got my moisturizer, deodorant and some other things for the bathroom. then i was able to get food and a drink cause we had time left.

it was pretty chilly out though. totally different from yesterday, probably due to the storm last night. the entire sky was a blank white. it was weird to look at. nothing at all but white. and really foggy, too. still nice to go outside though.

i was planning on going out tomorrow, but now it seems i have.. entered the monthly cycle. maybe. hasnt come yet, but it will and it will ruin my plans with immense pain. ill have to see. i wanted to buy new tops and also a new deodorant. if possible, i also want to buy better shampoo and conditioner.. ive been so sad lately, my hair has been flat for a while and i wanna bring back its volume. then i realized this morning that throwing it up in a towel seems to help.. though i also had someone else wash my hair. so.. ill have to try that again by myself. i still want volumizing stuff though.

i really like selfcare. everyone likes the feeling of being fresh, but i especially like it because i never feel that way. i wish i had more motivation to do more bigger spa-like rituals. id try today.. but i cant wash my face, i ran out of moisturizer too!!! i have so many things to buy. i used to have really bad skin, and it made me feel horrible because i felt very ugly. i thought after my skin cleared up id be perfectly fine, but i realize i will always have problems. things ive wanted to do: keep up my skincare routine, selfcare in general (hard), cleaning my room consistently, going outside and maybe exercising, and drinking water. i made a notion page for this months ago but literally forgot it existed because of my horrible short term memory. eh...... this is too hard. i even wrote down to do tarot again and try pendulum stuff and i havent gotten to it..

its crazy how you can "do nothing" according to everyone else and still feel so busy.