outside.

had a talk earlier that made me want to speak on this. god, i wish i could go outside more. a lot of people would probably just tell me to walk outside then, but for me its not that easy. first of all, my area and neighborhood is not walkable at all. we have no sidewalks and live right in front of a busy highway. the place i previously lived in was a lot better outside, really quiet roads and neighborhoods that made up for the lack of sidewalks. i could probably sit there most of the evening. i cant do that here. secondly, my anxiety disorder makes it hard for me to just walk out alone, even in the day.

itd be a lot better if i had friends i could go out with in person, but i dont know anybody to hang out with at all. i havent talked to people from high school since 2020, and the one friend i had back then that actually wanted to hang out with me.. i told her id be busy trying not to fail my upcoming senior year, so i didnt have time. and now i dont have any contact with her. plus, even if i did want to message her somehow, id get too anxious.

i thought about all this because i love the look of the sunsets outside. when i was in high school, and i had to walk to the bus stop, i used to always get to stand there outside and see the sunrise too. the air was really nice in the morning, at least in spring and early fall. winter is always so bitter here. i wish i could do that again. i also like to go to the park and use the swing set. i feel trapped inside the (not so pleasant) house all the time.